The other day I was re-reading through some of my old journals – an activity I take up sometimes because it’s good to reflect back on the journey of life, and to recall lessons from the past that helped make me who I am today. The journal I picked up most recently was from September 2004 – during my first few weeks of Mission Year in Atlanta. It’s so funny to read about my arrival there – completely unaware at the time of how amazing that year would turn out to be. I happened across some thoughts I wrote down after one of Leroy Barber’s inspiring talks, and wanted to share what I wrote back then…
“At training we got to hear from Leroy – great speaker. He gave an awesome analogy that really stirred my heart. He was talking about how a guy can show up at a basketball court for a pickup game and look like he’s the deal – great jersey, the best shoes, can talk like he’s a baller. But then he can step on the court and have no game to back the image. So then Leroy turned that on us – how right now we all look good, or else we wouldn’t be here. But can we play?? There are a ton of critics who will say we can’t – that a bunch of twentysomethings can’t be serious enough to do this -- to leave the fast-track and live in the inner-city, learning what it means to love your neighbor as yourself.
That totally challenged me. Ya, I look good. I can throw around terms like ‘holistic well-being’ and ‘social justice’ – and I can quote passages of Scripture that talk about serving the poor. But can I take all of that head knowledge – like the recognition of a pick-n-roll or the figures of Lebron James’ contract – and actually live it out? Actually execute the play or pop the clutch trey? Can I follow Jesus throughout a year in Atlanta?? I don’t know. I want to. I want to so bad.
My thought with that though too was how even if I don’t have what it takes right now, I can still succeed IF I’m coachable. If I listen closely to Coach and trust Him to change my ways and my heart. Then ya, I can play this game. I can experience Christ. I can take part in the Kingdom.
So here’s to beginning the season…”
Looking back with hindsight, that season was incredible. Probably the most I’ve ever matured and learned in one single year. It made me critique how this season in my life is going. Am I still bringing my A-game to life every morning? Still trying to suck all the marrow out of each day, still trying to love God and love people with all I am, still feeling the urgency and passion to fight for goodness and truth in every relationship I have? Well… I’m not sure. In some ways, yes. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about seeking after the Lord and striving to see His Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. But in other ways, not so much. There are definitely times when I feel like I’m just kinda cheering on others from the bench, or that I’m complaining to my teammates about not being in good enough shape (meanwhile I’m grabbing Snickers and Sunkists before the game instead of a chicken sandwich and wondering why I’m out of energy in the first half.) But then, I know that none of us are really “off the court”, and that perhaps this stage I’m in is just part of the process. Maybe these months and years of questions are like being in the lockerroom watching film on an upcoming opponent. It’s not exciting in and of itself, but it’s needed in order to understand the challenges to come. My perspectives on life continue to change with pretty rapid speed, and I’m trusting that all these varied experiences in the past years are only going to develop me more into a better follower-of-God and a better lover-of-humanity. Still, if I’m honest, there are numerous ways in which I’m not bringing my best to this journey, and I know I need to stop settling for mediocrity. Too much glory at stake to play with anything but reckless abandon. Time to step it up.
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